I've been feeling down the last couple of days. The weather has been grey, cold, a bit snowy and miserable for three days now. I'm moving into my winter hibernation mode. I have not smoked in three days, but the temptation to smoke one more pack before I quit on Monday is still with me. I feel isolated, even lonely and the voices are shouting in the distance. I can't hear what they say, I can only tell that they are agitated. It's the nature of life to go in and out of good and bad moods. I will come out of this poor mood and get productive again.
I did hear from a friend today. I met her at Al-Anon, but we fell out of touch over four years ago. She managed to find my blog and from there she emailed me. I'm looking forward to seeing her again. She is loving life right now and I am happy for her. She deserves it.
My brother is back online after being offline for about 10 months. He joined Facebook and is getting in touch with a lot of friends. I decided to join too. I tentatively began looking for old friends, but didn't have much luck. I'm going to ask Jen (Beautiful Mind) and Bev (the friend who emailed me today) if I can add them to my friend list because I found them on Facebook. J.P. are you still on Facebook? I forgot to check you out. Facebook is a closed system. You can only get into people's space if you are invited or ask. That's probably a good idea, but right now I only know my brother (and I just asked him to be on my friend list tonight) so I can't visit people's pages yet. It should be fun once I do have access to a few people.
Last night I was feeling too isolated, so I went to the NAMI message boards and posted about my smoking relapse, asking the people there if they smoke or have tried to quit. I used to follow those message boards a lot, but have drifted away from them, so I felt somewhat self-conscious posting. I'd like to try and keep in touch with the people there; they are a good bunch. They support each other and I'd like to help out, too. It's the best message board I've found for schizophrenia.
I haven't painted much because of my down mood. If I don't go shopping tomorrow with my brother, I will paint. I'm working on an acrylic painting of Avery Rose and Jack Michael hugging. I hope it comes out well.
A Recovery Blog
This blog is about my continuing recovery from severe mental illness. I celebrate this recovery by continuing to write, by sharing my music and artwork and by exploring Buddhist ideas and concepts. I claim that the yin/yang symbol is representative of all of us because I have found that even in the midst of acute psychosis there is still sense, method and even a kind of balance. We are more resilient than we think. We can cross beyond the edge of the sane world and return to tell the tale. A deeper kind of balance takes hold when we get honest, when we reach out for help, when we tell our stories.