A Recovery Blog

This blog is about my continuing recovery from severe mental illness. I celebrate this recovery by continuing to write, by sharing my music and artwork and by exploring Buddhist ideas and concepts. I claim that the yin/yang symbol is representative of all of us because I have found that even in the midst of acute psychosis there is still sense, method and even a kind of balance. We are more resilient than we think. We can cross beyond the edge of the sane world and return to tell the tale. A deeper kind of balance takes hold when we get honest, when we reach out for help, when we tell our stories.

Friday, November 13, 2009

My Songs On The Internet

I just added a widget from a site called SoundClick. It's a place where you can upload your original songs and even sell them. I'm not confident enough in my skill level to sell my songs, so I'm happy if anyone is willing to download them and listen to them. Maybe I'll even get to be on some people's mp3 players. That would be cool. Unfortunately the widget is partially cut off, but you can still play the songs. I'd love to get some feedback from people who haven't heard my songs before. I'll be uploading a bunch more of my songs this week, so if you click on "songs" on the top of the widget, it will take you to more of my music. Right now I only have the three songs uploaded. At SoundClick I've included the lyrics, if you're interested.

These songs were created in the 1990s during and after my relationship with my abusive boyfriend who suffered from mental illness and alcoholism. I associate the song "Somewhere" strongly with him as a song about the loss of innocence, but with something left over. It was a kind of protest song against being abused, but disguised in the story of Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz.

These three songs I recorded just after my 36th birthday and just before I became delusional and paranoid. Soon after I recorded them, I sent them along with one other song to Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam. That marked my descent into madness for a time. I was convinced that he was following me or having other people from his circle follow me. Of course, no contact was ever made and for three years I remained deeply psychotic because I wouldn't take the anti-psychotic medications.

In the very beginning of my psychosis I was writing and singing lots of songs or what I call song "bits", not full songs, maybe only a minute or so long each. Then the voices told me to take guitar lessons (I am a very poor guitar player), but after only a couple of lessons they began to attack me and I had to stop making songs pretty much during the next 3-5 years. Gradually I approached songwriting and singing again, very, very slowly.

Towards the beginning of last year I bought a new portastudio that made an actual CD out of the songs that I recorded in the 1990s. So I sent that CD which I called Yin And Yang (of course) out to a few of my friends. The portastudio also has allowed me to start working on and recording new song bits, but last June when I took in the first litter of kittens I had to put them in the music room, so I boxed up my equipment and put it in the closet which is where it's been ever since. But now that the downstairs room is available, I will soon set up downstairs and get to work again.

Getting a new computer with a flash player already installed, so that I can watch videos and listen to music online, has also made it easy for me to convert my music into mp3 files to upload to music sites such as SoundClick. And so, here I am, introducing myself and my music to the internet community. I hope you enjoy listening to some of them. If you have the time and inclination, leave a comment here or at SoundClick by clicking on "Comments" on the top of the widget. Thanks in advance.
Post a Comment