tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7239140084937897595.post252601906430478380..comments2023-10-19T10:26:30.108-04:00Comments on Yin and Yang: On Suicidal ThoughtsUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7239140084937897595.post-34559270726105424932011-05-19T23:57:02.399-04:002011-05-19T23:57:02.399-04:00Hi Kate -
It is so late. Really felt like commun...Hi Kate -<br /><br />It is so late. Really felt like communicating w/you. So, sorry not really responding to this wonderful post ... as always you are so clear and honest. I was wondering if we could chat one night on facebook? I can't tell when you are on it...there are a few friends where I am confused cuz I pushed a button and it says offline but also then there is a green light...anyway. I am starting to get into the book about journaling...really good stuff. Feeling better too. I think you left a comment for my blog, but now I don't know where it is....i am starting to get back to blogging, just writing and I think I want to take a painting class...so many ideas but need to take it slowly. So please contact me and I do enjoy your blog so much!!! I will comment again soon.<br /><br />all the best,<br />NancyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7239140084937897595.post-50403583910139825102011-05-10T11:40:57.074-04:002011-05-10T11:40:57.074-04:00I lost a schizophrenic friend to suicide. And I&#...I lost a schizophrenic friend to suicide. And I'm angry at him more than I sympathize with him. He was such an awesome character, with so much life to him despite the illness. I know his illness could be very painful at times, but I wish he had more guts and strength. I wish he had more courage. And I wish he could have celebrated all that was really cool about him. <br /><br />But what I think really killed him was the pressure his family put on him to work and get off of social security. His family was ashamed of him when he was sick. His mother was a particularly cold person. <br /><br />Kate, you identify society as putting pressure through the media of what it means to be a success, but family members are first in line to offer an opinion and they are not always understanding of the deep disability that this illness brings to 80% of its sufferers. Recently, I know of one schizophrenic man who went back to bed again after breakfast, and this behavior caused his mother to break down into tears of frustration and anger. If a schizophrenic is in a close relationship to a normal person, often, the normal person will expect normal behavior from the schizophrenic. Trying to be normal when you have this illness can be very stressful.<br /><br />Kate, when you were deeply depressed you had nobody to be critical of you listening to audio books all day long. I believe strongly that the best thing about government disability money is that it allows the schizophrenic to live alone so that our lives can fall into patterns that are natural to our nature. Isolation is a tricky concept, too much of it causes depression, yet not enough of it, if you are really ill, exacerbates the illness.<br /><br />My mother has separated me from my two normal brained siblings. She thinks that I have to be heroic. I know that if I killed myself she would be furious with me for failing to be heroic. She sees clearly when I am suffering, and yet she expects me to persevere, do whatever I must, but live, survive, live. <br /><br />My father on the other hand does not want to know about my suffering, he does not want to know about my disabilities, and he wants me to be intelligent and engaging when I am with him. He expects normal behavior from me. Years ago, when I was first recovering from this illness, my rate of success was not fast enough for him. He wanted me to behave in ways that would have caused a relapse and hospitalization. I know, from little things he has said, that he does not accept me the way I am. With him it is always a chore to keep up the fiction of not being mentally ill. But I do it out of love for him. I try to give him the daughter he wants.<br /><br />I guess I'm like my mom. I expect my schizophrenic friends to be heroic. I know the ordinary person has often need to be heroic, and that all people at times suffer, but mental illness is unique, in that your very brain is failing you. I guess you are right, that bad thoughts can be an addiction, but then again, bad thoughts can simply be the brain in a psychotic state, and psychosis I believe is different from addiction. Anti-psychotic medication makes me less suicidal, so that is why I theorize a link between psychosis and suicide.<br /><br />All my love,<br />KarenKaren May Sorensenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14436905322393073250noreply@blogger.com