tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7239140084937897595.post3190771903044924079..comments2023-10-19T10:26:30.108-04:00Comments on Yin and Yang: A Reaction To Brendan's BirthdayUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7239140084937897595.post-63536100704266714932007-10-24T14:41:00.000-04:002007-10-24T14:41:00.000-04:00Hi Kate,We are forgetful creatures and I need to b...Hi Kate,<BR/>We are forgetful creatures and I need to be reminded daily of my short coming but also a trick from yourself and not to be too hard on myself. Gently does it and if it's too gentle and you are not hearing then a little more firmness. Until you have got it just right for yourself.<BR/><BR/>Yes i am sorry that I have not even acknowledged that Brendon passed away. This was selfish of me. I acknowledge that you acknowledge that i didn't acknowledge this.<BR/><BR/>I surpose that I have treated you like the health workers who have treated me and others but you know what. You are on the right path. You are wanting to remember instead of blocking it. it does resurface and if you haven't dealt with it in you own special way you will be bringing up the same emotions of when it first occurred or because emotions change with thoughts, a variation of those emotions.<BR/><BR/>It's trying to remember clearly and it will come to you if you seek it out. It may seam unclear at the moment of what happened. Once you can see, you can question and then understand and am sure you will be able to forgive yourself. Try not to put blame anywhere. that makes vision blurred and you focus on who ever you are blaming. Instead of seeing what is in fact what happened. When i say that i mean with your memories, if you did something in the past figure out why you did it but don't blame anybody or yourself for doing it. You will then make a fair judgement and then be able to correct yourself if that is you intention.<BR/><BR/>Unfortunately meds do block memories and voices do bring one down and i wish i could take this away from you but you can't and I won't. <BR/><BR/>what i could suggest is seek seek seek your memories and don't feel to badly about not remembering what you want to but also accept this. <BR/><BR/>i think the meds themselves do not make you stop remembering but they make you feel as if you can't go there. they make it easy to do that so you may have to do some hard work at remembering.<BR/><BR/>i think that post about brendan's birthday was remarkable. the detail of events so clear to me as a reader. you do not seam to me as a bad rememberer at all. the good thing about you is that you want to remember whether good or bad.<BR/><BR/>i have forgotton alot through the lack of being asked about past events. Peter didn't want to know me at all. people in the past have gotton back to me and reminded me of me and it felt good. So sorry for being self fish and not hearing you out. I just didn't want to make you feel bad from bad experiences but I am wrong because you and Brendan did have good times too.<BR/><BR/>i liked listening to how you two met up. the vibe you felt from getting with him. i liked how you discribed the bad times as well. And i will no doubt enjoy listen to more and your views on how you percieve past events now. <BR/><BR/>sometimes we are so stupid that it's funny and sometimes you laugh but don't like being laughed at.<BR/><BR/>I love you.<BR/><BR/>J>PAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7239140084937897595.post-65947408268232221592007-10-23T00:24:00.000-04:002007-10-23T00:24:00.000-04:00Thanks JYes, you're right. I have to forgive myse...Thanks J<BR/><BR/>Yes, you're right. I have to forgive myself but before I can do that I need to really acknowledge what it is that I've done wrong. I feel like I hide from it. There's so much I've forgotten and I need those memories to be able to judge myself fairly. But do I block those memories or has my illness taken some of them from me or both? I think I can remember more than I do but I have to try.<BR/><BR/>But you and Al-Anon have given me a good idea and that is to also acknowledge what I've done right as well. <BR/><BR/>I preach but have to keep relearning it, an unfortunate part of the human condition though some exceptional people must be able to do it fresh each time. <BR/><BR/>Thanks so much for encouraging me to keep trying to practice forgiveness of myself. I can't heal without that...or you or anyone. But it is tricky sometimes to do the practice when you've forgotten key points and been hurt by the voices. There's no alternative though. I want to be a good person and so I'll work on the practice.<BR/><BR/>KateWandererhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16550316119497369344noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7239140084937897595.post-18477604027577151992007-10-22T09:37:00.000-04:002007-10-22T09:37:00.000-04:00it's funny Kate because I have got in touch with a...it's funny Kate because I have got in touch with a couple of friends who have lost people in their lives and more than two. these people were young too and didn't deserve the premature deaths. <BR/><BR/>All the wrongs in life that are thrown at us. If we really look we are to blame. However you are not to blame for Brendans death. you did not shoot him with a gun or run over him with a car. you didn't stab him so you must forgive yourself for what you did do to Brendan. Not staying with him. <BR/><BR/>The thing is if you don't take control of the guilt it will control you. to control the guilt you got to forgive yourself. It's your choice. Once you have forgiven yourself you got to move on and embrace what life has to offer and there is a lot you just got to be a little careful.<BR/><BR/>Just as Brendan had the choice to forgive his parents. He didn't. he never moved on and his emotions were unhealthy and lead to his death. <BR/><BR/>you have taught me to forgive and it works. Sometimes we hurt ourselves by not forgiving and it's only ourselves to blame.<BR/><BR/>So i think that you must forgive yourself.<BR/><BR/>Forgiveness is not just big things in life but also the small things and people call that acceptance but that's also forgiveness. if somebody wants to keep going down the road of death after numerous times of you gently showing them the light then you do have the right to leave that situation and choose life for yourself. You must also accept this as your resposibilty. And forgive yourself for being able to be in control. Control is not such a bad thing but it need to be gentle. with yourself and with others.<BR/><BR/>So practice as you preach and i will try to do the same thing. Wisdom is no use on peace of paper or a mear thought in the mind but it's a practice.<BR/><BR/>You sure have the ability to do that I have seen you works of art. that has taken dedication and practice. Please find the time to forgive yourself. you have the skill and now you need to practice on yourself. you are capable.<BR/><BR/>J.pAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com