A Recovery Blog

This blog is about my continuing recovery from severe mental illness. I celebrate this recovery by continuing to write, by sharing my music and artwork and by exploring Buddhist ideas and concepts. I claim that the yin/yang symbol is representative of all of us because I have found that even in the midst of acute psychosis there is still sense, method and even a kind of balance. We are more resilient than we think. We can cross beyond the edge of the sane world and return to tell the tale. A deeper kind of balance takes hold when we get honest, when we reach out for help, when we tell our stories.

Monday, November 3, 2008


I've been enjoying facebook. I have 5 friends including my brother. I invited Pamela to join, but she got a bit peeved that she would have to join in order to see my page. It's true, facebook is a closed system, you have to join and only personal invites or acceptances get you into the system. I don't mind that despite the fact that I know so few people. I'm just happy with the people I do know. I tried finding some old friends, but no luck. I did manage to find two boys (now middle-aged men) who went to grade school and junior high school with me, but I'm still a bit shy about contacting them. I had a major crush on one of them and a minor crush on the other all those years ago. The major crush got married to a Swedish woman and then moved to Sweden and became a school principal. I only know that because my parents met his parents at a party a few years ago. Truth is I wasn't that close to these boys years ago, I just wanted to be, but didn't reach out to them after I went to high school. And I could have, they lived close by. Oh well. Maybe I will yet.

One thing I don't like about facebook (and MySpace) are all the weight loss ads. Right now the biggest thing is an Acai Berry diet that is being promoted it seems by Oprah Winfrey. Now, don't get me wrong, I would love there to be a natural, healthy, miracle substance to ingest to make me lose all this weight, but I highly doubt it. Meanwhile people with eating disorders are growing by the thousands (millions?), all in quest of this horrible holy grail--thinness. It's perverse and sad and scary. So seeing Dieting Propaganda on a popular site as facebook is discouraging and annoying. I don't like being overweight, but I still love myself; many girls and women (and men) out there are secretly hating themselves and judging others while they do it. All for what? Superficial appearances! It's nice to look nice and it feels good, still, it IS what is inside that is most precious. People lose sight of this all too easily. Sometimes I lose sight of it and then I feel horrible. I just worry particularly about girls and young women who buy into the bull.

Aside from the Diet Patrol Ads, I like facebook because it potentially can bring me closer to the people I do know. This is a step in the right direction, away from my own generally reclusive state. If I can keep in touch with the people I care about, I may not get so detached and the winter may wind up being warmer for it (figuratively that is).
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