"It is okay to know who I am."
Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families - Affirmation #1
I'm a process in a body. Who I am has been in flux since before I was born. I have no concrete self, no set "I". I am changing every moment. Change can cause release; it can also cause anxiety. But I do have rhythms and patterns flowing through me. Rhythms and patterns that began in infancy and have continued, some getting stronger, others getting weaker or alternating again. I give myself permission to look at my patterns, to review my journey. Giving myself permission to look and increase awareness is not the same as doing it. I also need the permission of the Higher Powers to reveal to me what I need to know at the right time.
I say I want to retrieve my childhood memories, but when I open to the exploration, I get pulled into strong feelings and react by pushing the tendrils of memories away. Seeking to be more aware and to remember my past does not mean I won't feel discomfort. Too much discomfort might mean that it is not yet time to remember, that I am not emotionally ready. I need to pay attention to how I am feeling as much as I can. This leads to intuition and to guidance from something known yet unknown, the mysterious, yet ever present, Higher Powers.
A Recovery Blog
This blog is about my continuing recovery from severe mental illness. I celebrate this recovery by continuing to write, by sharing my music and artwork and by exploring Buddhist ideas and concepts. I claim that the yin/yang symbol is representative of all of us because I have found that even in the midst of acute psychosis there is still sense, method and even a kind of balance. We are more resilient than we think. We can cross beyond the edge of the sane world and return to tell the tale. A deeper kind of balance takes hold when we get honest, when we reach out for help, when we tell our stories.